Weekend’s over, thank god.

Well, I didn't have the best weekend. I'll spare you the gross details
but basically when I stepped on the scale this morning it said I'd
gained 5lbs in 3 days. Obviously I know most of that is just food and
water weight but at least one of those pounds has got to be legit. I'm
so disgusting.

Starting today though, I'm on a new eating plan. Basically my cals go like this:

M: 750
T: 750
W: 1000
Th: 750
F: 1000
Sa: 1250
Su: 1500

Plus, I get 1400 weekly cals that I can use on any day (stole the idea
from weight watchers XD) and I have burn off 2500 a week through
exercise. I'm hoping it gives me enough flexibility and variety to
actually stick with it.

Sometimes I worry that I'm not good enough to lose weight. Like no
matter how badly I want it, subconsciously I know I don't deserve it
so I sabotage myself. I've tried a million times and I've never been
able to lose more than 10 pounds or so before it comes right back on.
It's like I'm setting myself up to fail.

And if that's the case, how am I ever supposed to lose any weight? I'm
just going to fucking cut it off.