I Feel Like a Broken Record

I am so fat. Sometimes I'm in shock over how fat I am. How does a
person let themselves get this big??

I mean, I literally get out of breath if I walk up more than maybe
three or four stairs. Not flights. Individual steps. I was a little
winded just a minute ago walking the 25 feet from the break
room/kitchen to my desk. I also just breathe heavy all the time and I
have nearly constant digestive problems.

I know what it's going to take to fix this, I'm just so goddam lazy.
It's going to take some hard work and some serious calorie cutting.
It's going to be difficult but I don't have a choice. I just have to
remember not to give up what I want the most for what I want in the
moment. That's going to be my weight loss mantra. That should be my
life mantra.

I can't wait to get skinny. Oh my GOD I can't wait!! I want my hip
bones to stick out and my collar bones to protrude. I want one hand to
completely circle my upper arm and two hands to more than circle my
thigh. I want to be tiny, tiny, tiny. I want to be so small I
disappear into nothing.

I think I need a therapist. Lol.