I think I'm going to vomit.
I know I haven't updated in a while. Sorry about that. Not that anyone
reads this lol. I've been fat, fat, fat these past couple weeks, or
moths, or however long it's been since I last posted. Don't remember
what I was last time but yesterday morning I was 189.8. So best case
scenario I've maintained. Worst case, I've gained a couple. Oh, joy.
My anxiety is out of control. I'm sitting here at work, just by myself
in my office, trying to stave off a panic attack. That's what I've
been doing for more or less the past week, and it's horrible. If I'm
not around family I'm freaking out. Luckily the weekend was actually
pretty good. Saturday I spent the day shopping with my mom and my
sister, which was very relaxing and comforting. Then yesterday Ty and
I went bowling with a couple old friends we hadn't seen in forever,
which was also nice. But of course, this morning we wake up and we're
both in serious panic mode. It never fails.
I feel awful for him mostly; he's doing so much worse than I am.
Because on top of all the stress and anxiety we're both dealing with,
he's a serious hypochondriac and he's terrified for his health. He's
convinced he's going to die, which is of course just oh so comforting
to me. We actually ended up in the E.R. yesterday morning because his
leg's been in a lot of pain and he's worried he has a blood clot. So
that was fun, not that we were there for more than an hour. Doctors
take one look at his history with anxiety and immediately credit every
health problem to that. Not everything is caused by stress! And what's
going to happen that day that there really is something wrong and they
don't believe him? I understand that tests are expensive and they get
frustrated with him constantly coming in then finding out it's
nothing. But what's the alternative, if he can't tell the difference?
Stop going to the doctor, that's the alternative. Not going to happen.
We're supposed to get a big snowstorm tonight and all day tomorrow.
Please, please, please let the bank be closed. If it fizzles like last
time and I have to work all day I will be so incredibly upset. Ughhh I
don't know how to keep doing this. I'm going to crack.
