I'm so sick of everything

I have have have have to be thin. Urrrrggghhhh it's driving me insane.
Why is it so hard to lose weight? It should be so easy! Just eat fewer
calories than you burn! Am I really that stupid? I feel like such a
gigantic failure. I hate myself so much for what I let myself become.
I'm a fat, ugly, disgusting, awkward piece of s___. I would say I'm
going to get my act together and stop eating so much and start working
out but really, how many times have I said that and how many times has
it happened? About a million, and never.

I don't understand why I haven't lost any weight. No, that's a lie. I
know exactly why I haven't lost any weight. I haven't really tried.
I'm so incredibly lazy. But I'm done smoking. I'm done, done, done. No
more spending over $60 a week for a bag that's going to last us 4
days. I think that's why Ty is always so sick, because he's so awful
to his stomach when he smokes. He's awful to his stomach anyways, but
it's much worse when he's smoking. And if I'm smoking too I'm
completely unmotivated to make anything remotely healthy. We've had
pizza for about the past week and a half. Which is not only horrible
and disgusting, it's seriously draining my wallet.

I'm so sick of food. I would give anything to never have to eat it
again. Because if I never start eating, I never really feel the need
to eat. But once I take that first teeny bite it's all over and I may
as well just gorge myself right then because it's going to happen
sooner or later. I also wish I could start going to bed earlier so I
could wake up earlier so I could go to the gym before work. I really
think that would help get me into weight loss mode all day.

Another huge motivator? The other night when we were lying in bed
cuddling, Ty was rubbing my hip. I was laying on my side so all the
fat on my tummy was hanging down (how gross is that?) and you could
clearly see and feel my hip bone which you absolutely cannot when I'm
standing. So anyways, Ty was rubbing my hip and he goes "I love your
hips. I love how they stick out. It's so sexy." Um, what?? My hips do
NOT stick out, I just happened to be in the right position at that
moment. And he's CONSTANTLY telling me how I'm beautiful the way I am
and he loves my body and stick thin girls are gross. However, every
time he thinks a girl is hot, she's stick thin. Natalie Portman, Anne
Hathaway and Mila Kunis are his celebrity crushes. I mean, come on.
Not that he calls girls my size fat or anything, but he almost never
finds them attractive. Honestly, that makes me feel like he settled
for me because I'm the best he could do. He's not that type of guy but
it makes me feel like crap nonetheless.

My hip bones WILL stick out. Standing up. They will. Giving myself 9
months. November 1st I will be tiny.

Welcome!

I figured I should actually start this blog. I’ve had it set up for a while but haven’t posted anything yet. So here we go.

Hey, I’m Katy J Welcome to Katy Gets Thin! Currently I am a disgusting 192.6 pounds and working really hard to bring that number down! Ideally I’d like to be 130 or less for my wedding on Sept. 1^st. So 63lbs in 7 months, totally possible. I’m hoping this blog will hold me accountable!

Right now I don’t have any particular diet plan, just trying to keep my cals low. I find that if I’m too restrictive regarding what I can and can’t eat I end up binging like crazy. If all I eat in a day is 600 calories worth of chips, whatever. At least I only ate 600 cals. Definitely better than not letting myself have them and binging on 2000 cals of something else later. Also trying to work out at least a few times a week!

Well that’s it for now. I plan to update regularly.

~Katy